Happy Town? Not Happ-ening

Looking for a brand new weirdo show to fall madly in love with? Chances are, it won't be Happy Town. Word on the street, or should I say net, pegged Happy Town as a kooky cult drama a la Twin Peaks. A shadowy excursion into the darkness-dwelleth-here-under-sugarcoated-country-smiles genre of television.

Three episodes in. The verdict? Epic fail. Poor Unhappy Town. To put it bluntly, the hordes of America are in no rush to pick up a Magic Man t-shirt.

Yes, you read right. "Magic Man" is the moniker given to a criminal responsible for numerous child kidnappings a decade ago. Bad news, he was never caught. Badder news, he's baaaacckkk.

To be honest, after diagnosing the pilot with Severe Exposition Syndrome, I stopped watching. (The writer's kept hitting me on the head with a blunt storyline hammer, and it was painful!).

For example, Tommy and Rachel are happily married. Really? Very happily married? Since high school kind of happily married? Really? They're happily married? Tommy and Rachel are happily married?

YOU DON'T SAY.

Still, I like Sam Neill. Merlin's always been great onscreen. His face is so wise, and his eyes have a twinkle to them. He's like a cool great-uncle, or an inspiring teacher. When someone of Sam's calibre makes a transition to small screen, (viewing) attendance feels kind of mandatory.

Happy Town did start to get better. Or, at the very least, hurt less. When the squeaky clean protagonist helps a murderer cover his tracks (long story), I actually began to care, a little, about what was happening onscreen.

Likewise, I didn't guess who the handsome stranger in the woods would turn out to be. It's nice to be narratively surprised.

Unfortunately, ABC in the U.S. has delayed screening of episodes four and five, so it looks like cancellation is imminent. File under failed experiment. It's a pity, but there isn't time these days for programs to find their feet. Personally, I think the writing should have been sharper straight out of the gate. Tsk, tsk, tsk...

The Drama of Television- Programming, That Is.

American TV executives on high are currently finishing up the annual round of smiting, resurrecting and birthing. Putting aside the modern horror genre of reality television (scary stuff), now is when scripted television programs 'on the bubble' are forced to face their mortality. What exactly is a bubble show, you ask?

Bubble shows are the Jan Bradys of the network family. Marcias are current rating superstars, like True Blood, or Bones. Cindys are often cult rather than cute, programs like Supernatural, or The Vampire Diaries. Not the biggest of hitters, but definitely beloved. A bubble program, well, viewers could take it or leave it. Sitting on the renewal fence for most of the season, it's up to the network to decide which bubble shows are Little Engines That Could.

Bubble programs inspire many a website post devoted to speculation, analysis, and Save Our Show petitions. It's easy to get sucked into the (off-screen) drama, especially as network calls can seem erratic. In 2009 the short-lived Dollhouse received a second season renewal, television equivalent of Moses parting the waves. While drama shows with much better ratings were thrown by the wayside that year, it turned out Dollhouse was, in fact, waving, not drowning.

This time around, Old Faithful programs like Numb3rs and Cold Case bit the dust. Newbies Flash Forward and Mercy were kicked to the curb. Old Yeller Law & Order was finally laid to rest. At the other end of the spectrum, Grey's Anatomy continues on, and Chuck got another gasp at life. In a spectacular leap, Castle went from bubble to early renewal. (Early renewal is a network's way of publicly pointing out their favourite children). Glee, the current darling, has been renewed not just for a second season, but a third season as well. (Marcia, Marcia, Marcia!).

Next up, resurrection after-talk. Times are tense for shows on the chopping block. Or, to be more accurate, the ones whose heads are already in the basket. Could Law & Order's cancellation possible be reneged? Will Ghost Whisperer merely move from one network to another? Fairy godmothers do exist in Television Land, especially if finances are re-negotiable. (Stargate SG-1, the afterlife for MacGyver's Richard Dean Anderson, was dropped by Showtime after five seasons, then picked up by Sci Fi,now Syfy, for five more seasons and a film franchise).

One odd lesson has come out of recent programming experimentation. Rebirthing is not fashionable in television circles. Melrose Place came and went with barely a whimper, 90210's just hanging in there, and V has basically bought a mortgage on the bubble. Turns out, the ready-built fan bases visualised by networks got quite cranky about new-fangled reincarnations. Gen Y, it seems, merely shook its head and said, 'meh'.

Wouldn't picking up a remake of Hawaii Five-0, then, be a lose-lose situation? Nevertheless, it's happened. The cast includes Australian Alex O'Loughlin, who looks set to remake Nathan Fillion, the early years. Poor Fillion appeared in cancelled program after cancelled program before dragging Castle across the lasting line. With the short-lived vampire series Moonlight already under Alex's belt, here's hoping he doesn't lose his latest job faster than he can say "on the bubble".

Finally we come to the rest of the newbies trying to muscle in on the action, fresh meat like cheerleading series Hellcats. Spy show Undercovers, from J.J. Abrams, the creator of Lost. The Cape, whose cast includes Summer Glau (yes, the pretty television Terminator). They've all been given the official breath of life. The question is, which one will end up on the bubble by episode three? You, there, in the audience. Care to make a guess?

It's A Finale Fest Out There...

Nothing like a flurry of finales to get the heart thumping and the tears flowing. America's top television programs are closing up shop for the season. Let's sit back, recover from the drama, and allocate gold star stickers to the leaders of the pack.

Best Hero Moment

Winner: Supernatural

A three-way tie between Sam, Dean, and their 1967 Chevrolet Impala. Yes, Sam slash Dean tied for the title with their own car. Writers who can transform an inanimate object into a hero are talented scribes, indeed.

Best Decisions, Decisions

Winner: The Good Wife

A sophisticated, almost elegant conclusion to the debut season. Clever sub-plots see nearly every main character make a defining choice, neatly setting in place the potential for change come season two. Nicely done.

Best Psycho Tantrum

Winner: V

"I believe you're experiencing your first human emotion." Um, yeah, sure Anna, that's human emotion. If you're CRAZY. (No polite way to say that to the boss mama, though).

Best Closing Twist

Winner: The Vampire Diaries

Katherine, the Queen V who knows how to party and pile up the corpses, has finally come to town. What writer doesn't love a doppelganger? Better than an evil twin, Katherin's an evil UNDEAD look-alike. Good times.

Best Thank-God-It's-Over

Winner: Lost

Only because people constantly assume I'm a fan. Relative strangers would launch into long Lost monologues focusing on the latest season arc before I could say, "That's the one where a plane crashes on an island, right?"

Best Will-They-Won't-They?

Winner: Castle

Ah, Castle. Ah, Beckett. You crazy kids. Hooking up is the beginning of the end for television programs built around a reluctant pairing's sexual tension. (Hello X-Files, hello Moonlighting). This episode, Beckett's romantic ineptitude is so... realistic. Sigh.

Best I Knew That Would Happen

Winner: Gossip Girl

Jenny sleeping with Chuck? Saw it coming. Didn't Chuck sexually assault Jenny early on in the series, you say? Gossip Girl plotlines have long since proven the only thing you can't buy on the Upper East Side is a functioning longterm memory.

Missing your favourite shows already? The good news is, networks give some programs unusual kick-off points, so there's always something to watch.

Soon a new season of True Blood slinks onto screens. I know vamps are going to have to fight with shape shifters for camera time this season, but I'm keeping my fingers crossed for more Eric. (Here's hoping Bill continues the way he starts out- Missing In Action! That character is CREEPY).

Then there's the mid-season replacements. Those who consider Middies to be dumping ground fodder should remember diamonds can be buried in the dirt. Middies who became successful include Buffy The Vampire Slayer, Third Rock From The Sun, Grey's Anatomy and even the classic Walker, Texas Ranger (we love you Chuck!).