Extremes of Teen

Teen television aint what it used to be. I miss Buffy Summers, Veronica Mars, the alien kids hiding out in Roswell. Old school tv teens had sass, pizzazz, wit, written in a way that hinted at hidden layers and unspoken depths. Sigh.

Recent mid-season debuts in the US include Pretty Little Liars (ABC Family), and The Hard Times of RJ Berger (MTV). Bad news? Neither overwhelms the viewer, in terms of entertainment. Good news? Neither is awful enough to make you actively look forward to a commercial.

At first, Pretty Little Liars is marginally confusing. Four female protagonists, a fifth who is missing but appears in flashbacks, and a blind girl who wasn't blind during the flashback period. Not to mention a new girl who just moved to town. The pilot drags viewers through a clunky set-up that thankfully smooths out by the second episode.

Our four protagonists have secrets (which to be honest, so far seem kind of lame). Bitchy Queen Bee Alison has been missing for a year. The girls begin receiving messages referencing past secrets, and their current lives, simply signed 'A'. They assume Alison is behind it all, until her body is discovered and the messages continue to arrive.

One day a teenager will be allowed to portray a teenager onscreen, God willing, but until that time we'll continue to watch confident actresses in their twenties trying to recall how to appear vaguely insecure. (Props to Bianca Lawson, still playing teen roles in her thirties!). Kudos also to the efforts of Laura Leighton and Holly Combs. Frankly, I'd rather watch these two 'mums' work the screen, but alas, it's all about the (pseudo-) teens.

Odd to see the network promoting the costuming. The styling was a bit boring and a touch old/conservative for teens, bringing The Vampire Diaries to mind (Elana's been wearing singlets over there for almost a year now). The script's a little lacklustre, very straightforward and to the point.

The truth is, Pretty Little Liars needs a moody bad boy asap if it's going to survive. A baddy slash sometimes goody who is occasionally psychotic, rarely kind, often seductive, and always clever with the witty repartee. Vampire Diaries has Damon, Gossip Girl has Chuck Bass. So what's happening here? Where's the resident hottie??

The Hard Times of RJ Berger was obviously created to appeal to male teenagers obsessed with sex. Shows like Freaks and Geeks and The Wonder Years were thrown around on the net as the type of cult status this series is aiming for, but frankly, the pilot was a dismal fail. Strangely, the second episode is a slightly different story, and far more promising.

The entire premise of the series? RJ has a large penis. Seriously. He flashes his fellow students by accident, gaining him some notoriety. He is (of course) obsessed with the school hottie. She is blond and tanned almost to a faint orange. He fantasises about her stripping off in the school hall for him. We know this, because we get the slow-mo dream sequence. Since they've hardly spoken, she seems pure status symbol material, which, to my mind, doesn't make RJ different to the jocks lusting after her.

RJ is surrounded by creepy people (or so it seems). His foul-mouthed best friend is determined to become popular. He has a female stalker constantly trying to have sex with him. His parents are swingers and have other couples over for dinner.

It's as if someone's disturbing older uncle is trying to appeal to the young kids of today with outrageous dialogue straight from the mouth of a crack addict. Don't get me wrong. Sexual awkwardness provides great script fodder for teen television, but shows like Freaks and Geeks had an odd tenderness at the heart of them, which is completely absent here.

The second episode, however, is surprising viewing, as if the writers decided to tone it down, say, a few thousand notches. RJ runs for school president and some of the scenes are actually amusing. The hottie girl even speaks, empathically connecting with our protagonist by the end of the episode. His best friend comes across as more outrageous than annoying. Even stalker girl moves from revolting to awkwardly kooky. Progress!

So far, watching this series is a bit like being the new kid in school. The first day is terrible, leaving you with the impression everyone sucks. The second day isn't so bad. The people you decided were idiots upon introduction, don't seem quite so terrible now.