Ho Ho Ho

You can't go past a Christmas movie this time of year.

I don't mean trendy Yuletide cinema, like Elf or Bad Santa. I'm not even talking old school classics like It's A Wonderful Life, or Miracle On 34th Street. I mean the made-for-tv efforts we all somehow end up watching at some point in December. Full of goodwill, seasonal cheer, emotive monologues and sparkling Christmas lights!

There's something charming about even the most atrocious made-for-tv Xmas movie. The script may be cringeworthy and the performances less than glowing, but there's nothing like a happy Yuletide ending. Somehow, these often clumsy efforts bring a touch of seasonal spirit to the small screen, a sense of magic that gets everyone a little teary-eyed.

The truth is, once you get a taste for questionable Christmas viewing, you can't go back. Sure, sometimes the material's way too sweet and saccharine, making you feel a tad sick (a la too many fruit mince pies), but that's part of the Xmas tv movie charm...

Here's half a dozen gems I've sat through with friends and family over the decades that might ring a bell (get it?):

A Smoky Mountain Christmas

You should Know: This movie has a lot of cliched moments... and that's just during the voiceover intro. Also, it's directed by The Fonz!

The Story: Seven orphan children are on the run after escaping from an orphanage. They end up in the same mountain cabin as a successful singer. (I'm gonna let you figure out the rest).

What I Remember Most: Obviously that would be Dolly. When I was little, I thought she was some kind of weird Barbie come to life. Albeit one that sang beautifully, but still, she was a tad mindboggling to the eyes of a child. Also, being Australian, I'd never really heard anyone talk with that particular twang before.

A Carol Christmas

You Should Know: The title is a bad pun. They're scroogin' on the words (couldn't resist).

The Story: Your basic Ebenezer tale, except this time the hard-hearted Dickens character is replaced with a cold young media type. A talk show host played by Tori Spelling, to be precise.

What I Remember Most: That William Shatner, aka Captain Kirk, appears as the Ghost of Christmas Present. Gotta love the Shat. Now I'll shock the world by saying I didn't mind Tori Spelling in this movie. There, I've said it. (Although Dickens is probably spinning in his grave at the loose 'adaptation').

Prancer

You Should Know: The ending calls for definite 'plausibility' magic, otherwise there'd be a lot of crying kids, on and off the screen.

The Story: A little girl finds a lost reindeer (well, as lost as it can be in the forest) and reaches the logical conclusion that it's Prancer.

What I Remember Most: Johnny Galecki, aka David from Roseanne and Leonard from The Big Bang Theory, is in the mix. I guess he went home for the holidays too. Also, the passing of time in this movie, ie night and day, seemed erratic. As in, defied the laws of the universe. (Whole new level of suspension of disbelief required).

A Mom For Christmas

You Should Know: This is a Disney tv movie.

The Story: A little girl makes a wish, a mom for the holidays. As a result, a mannequin in the store comes to life. (Proving that online shopping really can't compete with the retail experience).

What I Remember Most: Wondering why the mannequin had a name to start with... Thus movie made me realise that whenever I see Olivia Newton-John, all I wanna do is watch Xanadu. I can't help it. She's so typecast in my head that I kept waiting for her to rollerskate. (My bad).

Secret Santa

You Should Know: It's all about small town charm, and morals, and kindness. Very Christmassy.

The Story: A young journalist sets out unmask a Secret Santa, who does good deeds every year, in a small town determined to protect his identity. (Although she's not that great a reporter, since most viewers figure out who the good samaritan is about fifteen minutes in).

What I Remember Most: I watched this one year right after Tori Spelling's Xmas flick. I don't know what it is about the original 90210 alumni, but Christmas material seems to work for them. Jennie Garth really holds her own. (A lot of people reference this movie as a bit of a seasonal favourite).

Yes Virginia, There Is a Santa Claus

You Should Know: There was no way I could write a Christmas blog without this infamous letter getting a look in.

The Story: A journalist recently widowed has to answer a letter from a little girl who wants to know if Santa Claus is real. (This is the 1991 version btw).

What I Remember Most: This is based on a true story, so when a voiceover starts reading the original 1897 letter and reply, I always get goosebumps. Pretty much sums up the spirit of Christmas. Also, Charles Bronson, who usually plays bad asses onscreen, is surprisingly brilliant as a man crippled with grief.

MERRY CHRISTMAS! xxx