An Open Letter To The Writers Of Friends

You guys...

I can't believe it's been twenty years since Rachel ran away in her wedding dress. 

Who thought, when that first episode aired, we'd spend at least a decade hanging out in coffee shops hoping to find a Central Perk crew of our own? (No? Just me, then?)

At first I considered blogging weird facts I've heard about the show, in case fellow fans missed them. Like these gems:

- Courtney Cox was supposed to play Rachel, and Jennifer Aniston play Monica, but there was a last minute switch. 

-The actor who played Gunther got the part because he was the only extra on set that day who could work a coffee machine.

But then I decided I wanted this blog to be more a thank you note to the relatively unsung heroes, the writing team, who (I'm guessing) were considerate enough to surround themselves with strange friends, families and acquaintances, just to fuel this show. Research can be a bitch.

So, thanks for the weirdest group of tv "friends" to ever mesh well together (okay, not the time for a bastardized Clueless quote).

Here's some opening credits to get us in the Friends zone. (Wait, I think that came out wrong...)

Let's start with the gem in the show's character crown: Phoebe. I loved that she was previously homeless, I loved how she just was who she was without apology, and I loved the way she wore her hair. Thanks so much for bringing her to life!

 Most women I know want to be Phoebe, but truth is, we're mostly Monicas. Or as my brother would tell me, "You wish you were Phoebe, but you're actually Ross. A total nerd." (Cheers bro.) 

Phoebe was the ultimate in Arty Tarty. (Yes, I was young when I made that up.) She slept with whoever caught her eye, but didn't match the traditional sitcom stereotype for the sexually adventurous female character. No boobs on parade here. 

And, dear writers, the introduction of her sociopathic twin sister, the porn star Ursula, was magnificent.  I think this is also the right moment to reference Phoebe's live performances:

And I'd just like to add that I think, musically, Ross was before his time. Hipsters would love him now. He should rerelease an album:

As writers, you worked some magic, making me like scripted versions of people I would generally run away from.

For example, Rachel. The character was magnificent, because in reality, she'd be quite awful. Most of the time she didn't have two intelligent thoughts to rub together, was terribly shallow, and let's face it, kind of judgmental, but somehow the writing made her adorable.

Likewise, Joey was mysteriously loveable. In real life he would be sleazy and yuuuccckkk, the kind of guy who makes you want to shower with disinfectant when they so much as shake your hand.

Oh man. Ross and Rachel. There was a romance.

Chandler perfectly embodied the hilarious, nice-guy friend nobody in the group (initially) wants to date.  A lot of men out there probably should thank you for romantic successes that wouldn't have been possible if the Friends team hadn't made an insecure office worker in a sweater vest seem strangely sexy.

Monica was wearying (even in a thirty minute window I'd get a tad tired of her), but she was often the "straight man" in comedic scenarios so quirkier characters could shine. And I love how she became the flashback star (both skinny and plus-sized versions). 

Ross. I can't talk about Ross without hearing my brother yelling YOU'RE SO HIM. Instead, here's a clip that I chose because, let's face it, cotton candy:

All those storylines! Damn you lot could write. Remember when Phoebe's brother fell in love with his teacher, and Phoebe became a surrogate for them? (Best actress pregnancy cover ever.)

Or when Ross said Rachel's name at the wedding? How about when Phoebe's gay Canadian figure skating husband wanted to end their visa marriage because he'd decided to come out of the (inverted?) closet, and admit he was straight?

As writers, fearlessly tackled the important stuff nobody could bring themselves to talk about. Like thoughtless friends who insist on splitting restaurant bills, even though you're so poor you only ate the free bread. We've all been there.

And not forgetting the (possibly) unintentional moments of humor. Like when Chandler left a soul-destroying job in search of his true calling, something that would nourish the spirit... and secured an internship in advertising. WAY TO BE IRONIC. ('Cause you were being funny right? Right?!)

Hats off, also, for writing in hotty older actors. Woah. Tom Selleck and Bruce Willis. It does not get better than flashes of Magnum PI and John McClane in the Friends mix. 

Then there was the time Isabella Rossellini dropped by the coffee shop. And who can forget Brad Pitt coming over for Thanksgiving dinner? 

Best of all, though, were the flashbacks. Cue Chandler and Ross rocking the Miami Vice look:

Of course, no one's saying there weren't hiccups. I'm guessing the pressure was intense, what with the specter of Seinfeld hanging over your heads. And we all have our bad days... 

I'm not going to dwell on storylines that sucked (Rachel and Joey's hookup is a standout). But that's what friends do, you know? They sit through the crappy episodes in your life, because they have faith there are great ones up your sleeve.

Wow. Twenty years. As writers, aren't you itching to jot down where the crew are now? Sure, chances of a reunion are slim when none of the cast have been reduced to working retail (or starring in a stream of infomercials), but a girl can dream. 

And so many burning questions still unanswered. How many years did Chandler stay married to Monica before admitting he was gay? And how long, in good conscience, can we leave Joey trapped in that terrible spin-off? 

(No comment on Monica, she's happy in Cougar Town. Can't remember the names of the other characters in the Cul de Sac crew, but I do remember the names of Cox's character's wine glasses. RIP Big Lou, Big Joe, Big Carl, Big Tippi, Little Richard, Big Kimo...) 

On a sidenote, I also want to say thanks to the true stars of Friends: The Chick, The Duck, and the monkey Marcel. Those animals scored great scripts that gave them a chance to portray a wide spectrum of emotions. (I heard the actor who played Marcel left because he wasn't included in the group contract negotiations. Any confirmation on that?)

To summarise, thanks for the all the fun times. For the endless new catchphrases (this parachute is a knapsack!). For making dysfunctional look cool. For kickstarting a weekly ritual of making time with friends, to spend watching Friends, and then discussing Friends, but not, you know, actual friends (so meta). 

Write on! 

(Had to say it). 

xxx