The Role Of Love

Buffy and Angel. The definition of complicated.
Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Romantic love is an integral part of scripted television. And not just in the traditional rom-com genre. Even in procedurals there are couples to ship: two people kneel beside a murder victim, their eyes meeting over the corpse, and they banter while discussing lividity (a term in every cop show scriptwriter’s lexicon).

Odd Couple Maximus.
Castle

What’s interesting is how little interest audiences have in the actual relationship. Sexual tension is where the party’s at. Will they, won’t they, why haven’t they, when will they…. These not-quite-physical relationships are a cornerstone of television writing.

Final season, finally almost a couple...
Teen Wolf

When it comes to sex onscreen, networks have learnt it’s gratifying yet no true substitute for well-written relationships. You can flash skinship, but in the end it’s still mostly softcore porn. Without a complex connection between characters, audience interest fades fast.

Seth, Summer, and the wonders of Chrismukkah.
The O.C.

Why are we hooked on eros? 

These guys: too cute for words.
Lovesick The Series

Or more accurately, in the context of a scripted television series, the evolution of eros?

When your lover turns out to be a manga character.
W Two Worlds

Perhaps it’s because we live in a world where physical intimacy is easier to obtain than emotional intimacy—or where a true celebration of both is rare. People rely on their friends for personal connection as much as, or sometimes more, than they do their partner.

When they don't match, but they really do.
Friends

Television love is convoluted, a push and pull scenario whereby our leads edge closer together. The not-yet-lovers OTP (one true pairing) on TV is usually written into a scenario where the characters are forced to see each other and interact, rather than drift apart when one of them becomes uncomfortable with the evolving intimacy.

Murdered friend Lily took these
two from antagonists to lovers.
Veronica Mars

Discovery—maybe that’s the key? We’re obsessed with the moment our experience of the world can spin and realign, adding another person to our orbit. Tragedy or life changes (such as relocating, new job) have a similar effect, but a deep, honest love is a transition audiences view as akin to winning an emotional lottery.

The tragedy of lost love.
Pretty Little Liars

In real life, lots of things get in the way of love, occasionally a love that could have been epic. On television, every element is controlled to ensure the intended couple reaches that chance at a relationship. Could that be why this element of visual storytelling is so popular? Because connection is an accident most people are hoping will happen?

Chuck, Blair, and that limo scene.
Gossip Girl

Not to say all romances on television are a great idea, from an outside perspective. A lot of them are problematic tropes (i.e. My OTP Is A Supernatural Psycho; This Lover Is Rich And Mean; We’re The Ultimate Odd Couple).

The ship that never got to sail.
The Vampire Diaries

Thing is, healthy, functioning relationships generally go out the window because an element of wish fulfillment is in play. The most popular TV love is the stuff of fantasy: grand, dramatic, fiery, and most of all, fun to watch.

When your lover turns you to the dark side.
Like, Queen of the Underworld dark.
Charmed

An Open Letter To The Writers Of Friends

You guys...

I can't believe it's been twenty years since Rachel ran away in her wedding dress. 

Who thought, when that first episode aired, we'd spend at least a decade hanging out in coffee shops hoping to find a Central Perk crew of our own? (No? Just me, then?)

At first I considered blogging weird facts I've heard about the show, in case fellow fans missed them. Like these gems:

- Courtney Cox was supposed to play Rachel, and Jennifer Aniston play Monica, but there was a last minute switch. 

-The actor who played Gunther got the part because he was the only extra on set that day who could work a coffee machine.

But then I decided I wanted this blog to be more a thank you note to the relatively unsung heroes, the writing team, who (I'm guessing) were considerate enough to surround themselves with strange friends, families and acquaintances, just to fuel this show. Research can be a bitch.

So, thanks for the weirdest group of tv "friends" to ever mesh well together (okay, not the time for a bastardized Clueless quote).

Here's some opening credits to get us in the Friends zone. (Wait, I think that came out wrong...)

Let's start with the gem in the show's character crown: Phoebe. I loved that she was previously homeless, I loved how she just was who she was without apology, and I loved the way she wore her hair. Thanks so much for bringing her to life!

 Most women I know want to be Phoebe, but truth is, we're mostly Monicas. Or as my brother would tell me, "You wish you were Phoebe, but you're actually Ross. A total nerd." (Cheers bro.) 

Phoebe was the ultimate in Arty Tarty. (Yes, I was young when I made that up.) She slept with whoever caught her eye, but didn't match the traditional sitcom stereotype for the sexually adventurous female character. No boobs on parade here. 

And, dear writers, the introduction of her sociopathic twin sister, the porn star Ursula, was magnificent.  I think this is also the right moment to reference Phoebe's live performances:

And I'd just like to add that I think, musically, Ross was before his time. Hipsters would love him now. He should rerelease an album:

As writers, you worked some magic, making me like scripted versions of people I would generally run away from.

For example, Rachel. The character was magnificent, because in reality, she'd be quite awful. Most of the time she didn't have two intelligent thoughts to rub together, was terribly shallow, and let's face it, kind of judgmental, but somehow the writing made her adorable.

Likewise, Joey was mysteriously loveable. In real life he would be sleazy and yuuuccckkk, the kind of guy who makes you want to shower with disinfectant when they so much as shake your hand.

Oh man. Ross and Rachel. There was a romance.

Chandler perfectly embodied the hilarious, nice-guy friend nobody in the group (initially) wants to date.  A lot of men out there probably should thank you for romantic successes that wouldn't have been possible if the Friends team hadn't made an insecure office worker in a sweater vest seem strangely sexy.

Monica was wearying (even in a thirty minute window I'd get a tad tired of her), but she was often the "straight man" in comedic scenarios so quirkier characters could shine. And I love how she became the flashback star (both skinny and plus-sized versions). 

Ross. I can't talk about Ross without hearing my brother yelling YOU'RE SO HIM. Instead, here's a clip that I chose because, let's face it, cotton candy:

All those storylines! Damn you lot could write. Remember when Phoebe's brother fell in love with his teacher, and Phoebe became a surrogate for them? (Best actress pregnancy cover ever.)

Or when Ross said Rachel's name at the wedding? How about when Phoebe's gay Canadian figure skating husband wanted to end their visa marriage because he'd decided to come out of the (inverted?) closet, and admit he was straight?

As writers, fearlessly tackled the important stuff nobody could bring themselves to talk about. Like thoughtless friends who insist on splitting restaurant bills, even though you're so poor you only ate the free bread. We've all been there.

And not forgetting the (possibly) unintentional moments of humor. Like when Chandler left a soul-destroying job in search of his true calling, something that would nourish the spirit... and secured an internship in advertising. WAY TO BE IRONIC. ('Cause you were being funny right? Right?!)

Hats off, also, for writing in hotty older actors. Woah. Tom Selleck and Bruce Willis. It does not get better than flashes of Magnum PI and John McClane in the Friends mix. 

Then there was the time Isabella Rossellini dropped by the coffee shop. And who can forget Brad Pitt coming over for Thanksgiving dinner? 

Best of all, though, were the flashbacks. Cue Chandler and Ross rocking the Miami Vice look:

Of course, no one's saying there weren't hiccups. I'm guessing the pressure was intense, what with the specter of Seinfeld hanging over your heads. And we all have our bad days... 

I'm not going to dwell on storylines that sucked (Rachel and Joey's hookup is a standout). But that's what friends do, you know? They sit through the crappy episodes in your life, because they have faith there are great ones up your sleeve.

Wow. Twenty years. As writers, aren't you itching to jot down where the crew are now? Sure, chances of a reunion are slim when none of the cast have been reduced to working retail (or starring in a stream of infomercials), but a girl can dream. 

And so many burning questions still unanswered. How many years did Chandler stay married to Monica before admitting he was gay? And how long, in good conscience, can we leave Joey trapped in that terrible spin-off? 

(No comment on Monica, she's happy in Cougar Town. Can't remember the names of the other characters in the Cul de Sac crew, but I do remember the names of Cox's character's wine glasses. RIP Big Lou, Big Joe, Big Carl, Big Tippi, Little Richard, Big Kimo...) 

On a sidenote, I also want to say thanks to the true stars of Friends: The Chick, The Duck, and the monkey Marcel. Those animals scored great scripts that gave them a chance to portray a wide spectrum of emotions. (I heard the actor who played Marcel left because he wasn't included in the group contract negotiations. Any confirmation on that?)

To summarise, thanks for the all the fun times. For the endless new catchphrases (this parachute is a knapsack!). For making dysfunctional look cool. For kickstarting a weekly ritual of making time with friends, to spend watching Friends, and then discussing Friends, but not, you know, actual friends (so meta). 

Write on! 

(Had to say it). 

xxx

Set In The City

New York, York! The Big Apple continues to be a popular setting for sitcoms. Why this particular city, you may ask? Doesn't America have loads of states buzzin' with inner city hubs?

Well, there's a lot of things about New York that make it a perfect setting for small screen sitcom storytelling. And frankly, a great place to live. Sure, I've never actually been to New York (or the US, if you wanna keep it real!), but I've watched A-LOT of television. I'm very down with the NY scene. Really. 4 SHIZZLE. 

Let's start with the people of this great US city that makes everyone think of fruit... 

POPULATION: ECCENTRIC. That's right. Apparently New York is the kook capital of America. Remember that weird kid from family gatherings? Chances are, he moved to the Big Apple after graduation. Seinfeld pretty much based his entire show on the 'specialness' of New York personalities. To some degree, this is true of a lot of NY-based sitcoms. Seems the streets are overflowing with sassy and strange characters. What's not to love, right?

To be frank, New Yorkers have attitude. (I rarely use that phrase because someone always yells "You're Frank?" Very HA HA. Really). They're brash, confident, and more than a litt-le self-absorbed. (For examples, see every-sitcom-ever-set-in-NY).  

But hey, who doesn't enjoy the company of the occasional, sort of borderline sociopath? (Well, more than occasional, when you look at sane-to-not-so-sane character ratios per New York based program.) Still, am I right, or am I right?

Really, most NY people are just very individual. 

Workers in the food and hospitality industry are not immune to this city-wide quirk, which is a bit of a downer. Service in the Big Apple can be more personality than hospitality. The infamous Soup Nazi is a prime example.

Years later, this continued tradition of less-than-best NY service is also celebrated in 2 Broke Girls (which is basically The Odd Couple, except one has cupcakes and the other has bling).

On the upside, if you're a foodie, here's some good news... People in New York eat a LOT. Yep, they like to chow down. Food, coffee, booze, always within grabbing distance. Either that, or they're about to go out and source (sauce?) some. I'm not sure why everyone's so ravenous (maybe it's all the walking?), but New York is definitely a city brimming with hungry people.

In terms of transportation, the subway is only really used by the poor and the weird. Probably because, for some unknown reason, underground transportation riles people up. In sitcoms, almost every subway outing involves some kind of confrontation/weird conversation with a slightly crazed commuter. From what I can tell, this is because doors regularly close on people, or refuse to open (which doesn't seem very efficient), and there are never enough seats. That kinda crap can turn people PRIMAL.

Basically, most New Yorkians try not to use it, also 'cause you can never be too sure what's roaming around down in those tunnels... (This one's not technically a sitcom, but still!).

On a random note, let's talk about interiors. Truth is, New Yorker's like to LOUNGE. They are obsessed with sofas slash couches (same dif). No matter how rich or poor, if you live in the Big Apple, you'll have a sofa sitting centre stage in your home/apartment/place of work. 

Walk in a door anywhere, and, bam! There it is. Thanks to Friends, we know even coffee shop's have sofas... Actually, the mayor's office in that old chestnut, Spin City, had one too.

In fact, an entire storyline in Friends was dedicated to Ross buying a couch (a piece of furniture that practically became a co-star during the episode, what with all the close-ups and screen time. Total scene stealer).

Amorous types will be happy to hear it's all good news on the lurrvve (ie getting laid) front. The dating options in New York are (almost) LIMITLESS, an endless whirlpool of available hotties. Didn't work out? Don't worry, there are thousands more fish in this cram-packed pond. Dating is a popular recreational past-time for Big Apple-ians, and as a result, some citizens have a (not that official) Phd in Picking Up.

Unfortunately, this can lead to questionable encounters. New York is a pretty diverse place. While there's undoubtedly a lot of opportunities to enjoy the multi-cultural experience, take care around (CARICATURED) Australians.

If fame is your thing, you'll be happy to hear celebrities are everywhere. Bathrooms, elevators, restaurants, the fake cafe you created in the hallway outside your apartment. Seriously, they pop up willy-nilly. I get the impression there are more celebrities in New York than there are in Los Angeles... just roaming the streets, wild and free. The Big Apple is their natural habitat. A protected reserve, if you will. Like a Fame Zoo. 

In summary, New York is both an excellent setting for sitcoms, and a cool place to live. I'm as enamoured with the Big Apple as a person can be (who's never actually been there). No possible way to be bored. Uh uh.

If you do visit the Big Apple as a tourist, consider getting all hardcore, and try something like this. I mean, if you're going to spend a day in the city, why not go 'street'?

Halloween Onscreen

Since it's All Hallows Eve, I thought I should take a (sort of) traditional path and give kudos to kick ass costumes on the small screen.

Best Existential Costume... Oz, come on down!

Always understated in his approach, Oz from Buffy The Vampire Slayer pretty much won the costume pool with his low key portrayal of God (ie, a stick-on nametag). Sometimes, less really is more. It didn't hurt that his gf was dressed as Joan of Arc... To be fair, Xander came in a close second, with his snazzy ensemble.

Buffy: Like the tux, Xander.

Xander: Bond. James Bond. Insurance, you know, in case we get turned into our costumes again. I'm going for cool, secret agent guy.

Buffy: I hate to break it to you, but you'll probably end up cool head waiter guy.

Xander: As long as I'm cool and wield some kind of power...

Buffy, Season 4, Episode 4.

Best Random Costume... Cassie, come on down!

New teen supernatural show The Secret Circle is about a bunch of witches. The crew put together some fantastic set design for the onscreen Halloween party. (Serious thumbs up). All of the characters wore costumes that matched an aspect of their character's personalities, except the main actress... who attended her Halloween party as a bee.

Yes, you read that right. It was totally bee-zarre (sorry). I'm guessing that in this still shot, she's actually on the phone to the producer, just confirming that she is, in fact, meant to appear in a pivotal episode dressed as a bug??

Best Lame Costume... Chandler, come on down!

Some people say Ross's effort as a 'Sputnik' (part potato, part Russian satellite) was the lamest Halloween outfit on Friends, but I beg to differ. Chandler as a pink bunny? Truly sad. Everyone knows he's always desperate to appear more manly, yet his girlfriend goes ahead and hires him a pink rabbit outfit. Way to emasculate.

Best Meta Costume... Castle, come on down!

The character Castle tries on a 'Space Cowboy' costume. His daughter in the show complains he wore the same outfit the previous year.

What makes this AWESOME is that actor Nathan Fillion, who plays Castle, used to be in the cult tv show Firefly. This costume is actually what his character Mal wore on Firefly. There's one for the fans.

Best Memory of a TV Costume... Brenda and Dylan, come on down!

Remember Ye Olde Days, when we thought this crew were the height of teen sophistication? Dylan and Brenda as Bonnie and Clyde looked sensational. (As a PG rated Spelling effort, the script kind of glossed over B&C's murderous habits). All I really remember is being in awe of Shannon Doherty's style.

Best Undead Costume... Sheldon, come on down!

Sheldon kicks some Halloween ass in the latest episode of The Big Bang Theory. After a number of failed trickster moments, eventually he dresses up as a zombie and comes bursting out of the couch. (Yes, he's actually lying in the framework). "Bazinga Punk", indeed.

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!

Let's Play Dress Ups

Halloween made me realise something odd; my favourite dress up television episodes aren't the ones celebrating Samhain. The best onscreen costuming comes straight out of left field, and has nothing at all to do with October 31st celebrations.

Maybe it's a girl thing, but there's nothing more fun than seeing the usual kind of storyline played out in, dare I say, unusual fashions? Here's a sample of standout moments when television writers managed to work in reasons for the wardrobe department to get excited:

Any (Homicidal) Excuse Award Goes To...

CASTLE

Personally, I think the creative team behind Castle love dress ups almost as much as I do. Storylines often seem to wander toward subcultures that call for extravagant costuming. Recent example? A murder victim who belonged to a New York-based 1892 Victorian England steampunk private society (as you do). Cue Castle in another crazy ensemble.

Too Cool For School Award Goes To...

VERONICA MARS

Nothing makes you feel older than realising cool kids in teen movies you grew up with are now considered fabulous retro costume opportunities for today's youth. Take the Valentine's Day dance in Veronica Mars. The mood turned hell eighties when Meg donned Molly Ringwald's ugleee triangle prom dress from Pretty In Pink and Veronica opted for Madonna-inspired Like A Virgin styling, complete with black tutu and lace.

Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Do Award Goes To...

WILL & GRACE

The Von Trapped episode? Just golden. With more Sound of Music in-jokes than you could throw a nun at, this was a fast paced, extremely clever referential episode celebrating Julie Andrews' finest mountain moments.

Over-Achievers Award Goes To...

GILMORE GIRLS

Noone could costume like this crew. Every time the writers imagined an-y reason for dressing up, they made sure the town was wholeheartedly in on it. When Rory went to college, eccentric townsfolk were replaced with bored rich kids who oh-so-conveniently liked to dress up as much as the citizens of Stars Hollow. Over the years, Rory has costumed it as a pilgrim, manga character, sixties Mod, fifties housewife and forties swing dancer, to name a few. Oh, and she also participated in a Living Art Festival (yes, that's her in the frame).

Subculture Procedural Award Goes To...

NCIS & NCIS LOS ANGELES

Police procedurals are inherently obsessed with Goth episodes. I have no idea why, but for every serious cop show, somewhere in the series' vault you'll stumble across a few whacked out kids in black lippie somehow linked to a murder. At least NCIS and NCIS: Los Angeles have a valid tie-in, thanks to the character of Abby. The others are really stretching. (I'm aware this image isn't from a Goth-themed episode, but I was impressed by Abby's on-the-job parasol).

Flashback (Really Far Back) Award Goes To...

CHARMED

Who doesn't love a good flashback? Charmed took it to the next level, focusing on Phoebe's past life in the roaring twenties. The writers cleverly wrangled it so the rest of the cast also appeared back in the day. The sell? Human souls travel in the same circles across various lifetimes, thanks to unfinished business; hence, Phoebe's soul recognised souls familiar to her. Very smooth.

Pointless Yet Fantastic Dress Up Award Goes To...

FRIENDS

Forget margaritas- when consoling a friend, donning bridal gowns together is where it's at. Like Monica, this episode made me want to put on a wedding dress, slip on some rubber gloves and do the dishes. Or sit in a cloud of tulle on the couch, eating popcorn and watching a movie, a la Rachel. Then again, maybe I'd enjoy throwing a bunch of flowers over my head, Phoebe-style!

Costumes, Metaphors & Masks Award Goes To...

ROSWELL

The pilot for this teen show about teen aliens hiding out in Roswell concluded with an enormous dress up party celebrating the original extra-terrestial (supposed) crash landing in '47. Human kids dressed as aliens, alien kids dressed as Men In Black, and Colin Hanks dressed like a character from one of his dad's films. Too cute.

Played For Laughs/Visual Gag Award Goes To...

THE BIG BANG THEORY

All I can say is, losing a bet can be very, VERY bad when you're a comic book geek, that's for sure...