Let's Play Dress Ups

Halloween made me realise something odd; my favourite dress up television episodes aren't the ones celebrating Samhain. The best onscreen costuming comes straight out of left field, and has nothing at all to do with October 31st celebrations.

Maybe it's a girl thing, but there's nothing more fun than seeing the usual kind of storyline played out in, dare I say, unusual fashions? Here's a sample of standout moments when television writers managed to work in reasons for the wardrobe department to get excited:

Any (Homicidal) Excuse Award Goes To...

CASTLE

Personally, I think the creative team behind Castle love dress ups almost as much as I do. Storylines often seem to wander toward subcultures that call for extravagant costuming. Recent example? A murder victim who belonged to a New York-based 1892 Victorian England steampunk private society (as you do). Cue Castle in another crazy ensemble.

Too Cool For School Award Goes To...

VERONICA MARS

Nothing makes you feel older than realising cool kids in teen movies you grew up with are now considered fabulous retro costume opportunities for today's youth. Take the Valentine's Day dance in Veronica Mars. The mood turned hell eighties when Meg donned Molly Ringwald's ugleee triangle prom dress from Pretty In Pink and Veronica opted for Madonna-inspired Like A Virgin styling, complete with black tutu and lace.

Do Re Mi Fa So La Ti Do Award Goes To...

WILL & GRACE

The Von Trapped episode? Just golden. With more Sound of Music in-jokes than you could throw a nun at, this was a fast paced, extremely clever referential episode celebrating Julie Andrews' finest mountain moments.

Over-Achievers Award Goes To...

GILMORE GIRLS

Noone could costume like this crew. Every time the writers imagined an-y reason for dressing up, they made sure the town was wholeheartedly in on it. When Rory went to college, eccentric townsfolk were replaced with bored rich kids who oh-so-conveniently liked to dress up as much as the citizens of Stars Hollow. Over the years, Rory has costumed it as a pilgrim, manga character, sixties Mod, fifties housewife and forties swing dancer, to name a few. Oh, and she also participated in a Living Art Festival (yes, that's her in the frame).

Subculture Procedural Award Goes To...

NCIS & NCIS LOS ANGELES

Police procedurals are inherently obsessed with Goth episodes. I have no idea why, but for every serious cop show, somewhere in the series' vault you'll stumble across a few whacked out kids in black lippie somehow linked to a murder. At least NCIS and NCIS: Los Angeles have a valid tie-in, thanks to the character of Abby. The others are really stretching. (I'm aware this image isn't from a Goth-themed episode, but I was impressed by Abby's on-the-job parasol).

Flashback (Really Far Back) Award Goes To...

CHARMED

Who doesn't love a good flashback? Charmed took it to the next level, focusing on Phoebe's past life in the roaring twenties. The writers cleverly wrangled it so the rest of the cast also appeared back in the day. The sell? Human souls travel in the same circles across various lifetimes, thanks to unfinished business; hence, Phoebe's soul recognised souls familiar to her. Very smooth.

Pointless Yet Fantastic Dress Up Award Goes To...

FRIENDS

Forget margaritas- when consoling a friend, donning bridal gowns together is where it's at. Like Monica, this episode made me want to put on a wedding dress, slip on some rubber gloves and do the dishes. Or sit in a cloud of tulle on the couch, eating popcorn and watching a movie, a la Rachel. Then again, maybe I'd enjoy throwing a bunch of flowers over my head, Phoebe-style!

Costumes, Metaphors & Masks Award Goes To...

ROSWELL

The pilot for this teen show about teen aliens hiding out in Roswell concluded with an enormous dress up party celebrating the original extra-terrestial (supposed) crash landing in '47. Human kids dressed as aliens, alien kids dressed as Men In Black, and Colin Hanks dressed like a character from one of his dad's films. Too cute.

Played For Laughs/Visual Gag Award Goes To...

THE BIG BANG THEORY

All I can say is, losing a bet can be very, VERY bad when you're a comic book geek, that's for sure...

The Event Noone's Watching

While droves of audiences are avoiding sci-fi mystery The Event, those tuning in are discovering an addictive, happening little serialised drama.

Personally, I think potential audiences for The Event were lost in a marketing massacre. Even the title graphic is ugly, blocky, and so basically non-descript, I originally assumed the show was a reality program.

Then I caught a clunky commercial for the premier episode. Enticing viewers with a hint of mystery is one thing; accidentally evoking complete disinterest is a different mistake entirely. Even the pre-launch cast photos on the official website were shockingly below par.

Rumour has it American network nbc was hoping to mimic the success of Heroes and Lost. Unfortunately, so far the ratings are more reminiscent of Flash Forward; as in, fodder for early cancellation. A pity, because three or four episodes in, it's clear The Event could become must-see viewing for those of us willing to commit to longterm serialisation.

There are, of course, a few flaws. The standard characters (or should I say caricatures?) bigger American networks are addicted to (FBI agent, girl next door) all make obligatory appearances. The dialogue, too, can be somewhat stilted and formulaic:

President: Their families will never know what happened here.

Blake Sterling: Mr President, with all due respect, nothing we do or don't tell them will change the fact that their loved ones are dead. Our responsibility is to protect the American public as a whole.

President: Protect them? From the truth?

The Event, Season 1, Episode 3.

On the upside, the casting is almost impeccable, the kind of ensemble talent that could turn a McDonalds commercial into Emmy material. Every face from The Event rings a few bells in the actor memory cache, evoking a sense of constant (television) deja vu. The show's actors have a sum resume spanning regular appearances in True Blood, Sex and The City, Without A Trace, Gilmore Girls, Charmed, Joan of Arcadia and E.R.

The main complaint about the program seems to be the narrative's deliberately disjointed timeline, moving between the past and the present in a slightly disorienting way. The key to enjoying The Event? Let the story flow over you. Just appreciate each piece of the elusive puzzle on presentation, and worry about unlocking it all later.

The sci-fi aspect is actually quite gripping. Doing the big 'there are aliens' reveal so early on in the piece opens up whole other avenues of speculation: What are the extra-terrestials actually up to? Why are there obvious factions among them? Can humanity trust them? Should we lower our guard??

There's also the whole goody/baddy thing. Frankly, at this point I have no idea who's trustworthy, apart from our luckless protagonist. That guy's hunting aliens? No, wait- he is an alien?? Not to mention the alive/dead/alive saga surrounding the passengers of flight 514. (Ironically, I think my heart stopped in shock the moment their hearts started beating again).

So far, The Event qualifies as one of the best of the season's newbies.

There Goes The Neighbourhood

The remake of cult television series V may not have set the (ratings) world on fire, but season two has an ace hidden up its intergalactic sleeve. Diana from the original series is back!

Remember the eighties television hit? Alien lizards in human body suits offering overtures of friendship while sneakily invading Earth and eating us? Like scaly outer space strangers handing out diplomatic lollies.

Unfortunately, modern television remakes face an awful quandary; they need to successfully marry rehashed nostalgic elements with fresh topical material. Tough call, and so far the production team responsible for V (version 2.0.1.0) have failed dismally.

The aim was to re-engage fans of the original series while also enticing new viewers. But as the premiere season progressed, audience subsets slipped through the network's fingers like millions of grains of disinterested sand.

The first few episodes of V Rebirthed were a terrible mess. Luckily, by the end of season one, the overall story arc had picked up pace. Watching the Visitors struggle with an otherworldly version of drug addiction and the alien (excuse the pun) concept of raw emotion became quite fascinating.

Ironically, the most 'human' characters on the show are the aliens. Morena Baccarin was great in Firefly as the sensual courtesan Inara. She proves her acting chops here, stepping into the disparate role of Anna with startling ease. Other key alien figures, Joshua, Marcus and Lisa, are written intriguingly and portrayed convincingly.

Unfortunately, humanity's letting the team down.

Americans can't seem to make a television show without injecting lame procedural leanings. I'm guessing some bright spark in the office thought sci-fi would have wider audience appeal if the story followed an FBI agent. You know, the kind of female cop character scriptwriters order en bulke:

"Female cop available. Wears figure hugging t-shirt and jeans, but is not overtly sexual. Both intuitive and authoritive. Has problems with intimate relationships. Constantly pieces together clues male cohorts will overlook. Long hair, but minimal makeup focusing on excessive fake eyelashes (what is with that?). Gives regular impassioned speeches. Provides moral compass. Has notable compassionate streak that will occasionally leave character feeling conflicted over difficult following-the-letter-of-the-law decisions."

Yawn.

There's a chance the show might find its feet now the clumsily awkward set-up is a distant memory. The scripting is oddly erratic; while character development progresses splendidly, logistical problems continue to trip up the creative team.

Modern technology would render a lot of the actions of the Resistance in the original V obsolete, yet still, the new version uses similar storylines. Considering aliens are even more technologically advanced, there's no way a bunch of amateur earthling activists wouldn't be bust-ed about four days into their Red Dawn act.

One character is an FBI agent and the other an arms dealer, so you'd think they'd have a heads up on this kind of thing. Like not calling each other to yell semi-hysterically across mobile phone lines in the middle of a subversive attack, for example.

But I'm feeling optimistic with actress Jane Badler re-appearing as Diana, mother of this series' big baddy Anna and grandma to conflicted Juliet character, Lisa. (For those who didn't know, Diana's been hiding out in Australia all these years. Honest!). The real question is, will she eat a rat again?

Supernatural Afterlife

The question is, can the Winchester brothers survive season 6 without creator Eric Kripke at the helm?

The first episode is a little too disjointed to offer a clear answer. Series creators do like to write up a flamboyant farewell, leaving those who come after with the uncomfortable task of bringing the protagonists back from unfamiliar terrain (ie Gilmore Girls).

Kripke's also been at pains to point out he's still involved with the project, so he probably had a solid amount of input here. I'm guessing this episode should really be viewed more as a transitional bridge, rather than a clear-cut example of any new direction.

Sure, Dean's come back from hell before, but this time he has to come back from suburbia. Promotional stills for the episode showed Dean looking worryingly cleancut, prompting nervous comments from perceptive fans: "Why is Dean's shirt tucked in? Dean would never tuck his shirt in!".

A year has passed since the Winchester brothers stopped the Apocalypse. (Admittedly, they did accidentally start it. Let's just say the road to hell really is paved with good intentions). Sam was left in said hell, after poignantly instructing Dean to live a normal life with his long lost love.

The opening scenes of the season, a montage of Dean being 'normal', makes for the scariest footage I've ever seen on this show. The character just DOES NOT live like that. It was more heartbreaking than the idea of Sammy being tortured in hell; a more insiduous unhappiness, disguised as (supposed) homeliness.

The cleancut imagery was broken up with visual hints Dean isn't as relaxed as he appears. (Well, he seems more like an automaton than anything else). Weapons under the bed suggest even Dean knows summer break can't last.

Suddenly, Sam shows up, resurrected a la Buffy season six. When Dean realises he's been suffering the torment of his little brother's loss for no reason, boy, is he not happy. Even Bobby's in on the knowledge Sam's alive. The episode goes on to kick supernatural butt, then concludes with the problem of Dean's two-dimensional woman Lisa and her token son Ben.

In good conscience, Dean can't leave in case any creatures follow his trail to them, something that's going to have to be concluded in the next few episodes. At the moment Lisa and Ben are storyline deadweights, left over from last season's 'happy ending'. Any writer worth his salt knows the only way to sequel a happy ending is to break that happiness into pieces...

Mitch Pileggi joins the cast this season. Yep, Grandpa Campbell's back. (His character was previously killed while possessed by the yellow eyed demon Azazel, an earlier nemesis of the Winchester brothers, in a time-travel-to-the-past episode. Convoluted, much?).

Based on this episode, Pileggi plays a similar character to the one he played in Stargate: Atlantis. A gruff, middle-aged 'goodie' whose actions give the occasional impression he might be a 'baddie'. Those American networks sure do love to typecast.

Grandpa Campbell's return gives the Winchester brothers some family dynamics to work through, especially since he's brought a few long lost relatives along for the ride. His dialogue also offers hints as to the season's story arc. Apparently, the supernatural world's partying like it's 1999:

Samuel: Nocturnals attacking in broad daylight, werewolves out on a half-moon, creatures that we've never even seen before, we don't even know what they are...

Supernatural, Season 6, Episode 1.

As a longtime fan/first-time caller, I'm just glad the Winchesters are back. Even the Impala's waiting in the wings (or should I say the garage). Best of all, Mischa Collins is still set to appear this season as the gorgeous, troubled angel Castiel. The show is now helmed by Sera Gamble, who was already a producer and writer for Supernatural, so it's still the same team, mostly. In summary, it's all good.

A Walk On The Prohibition Side

"...Conscience dulled by demon rum, liquor, thy name's delirium." Welcome to HBO's new darling, a whiskey of a series labelled Boardwalk Empire.

The pilot episode, rumoured to have cost around twenty million dollars, is a period piece to behold. Directed by Martin Scorcese and starring Steve Buscemi, the story follows a politician slash gangster at the beginning of Prohibition, feted here with a New Year's Eve type countdown in a crowded 1920's bar (cue ironic shot of a woman opening a bottle of champers in celebration).

Nucky Thompson, played by Buscemi, decides smuggling liquor into the US equals lucrative trade. In the words of his fisherman cohort,

"...And he took the loaves and fishes, looked at his disciples, and said, f*** it we're going into the whiskey business."

Boardwalk Empire, Season 1, Episode 1.

The costuming and set design are simply stunning. At one point, a character reads an early edition of Vogue Magazine in a waiting room; the publication is completely unrecognisable, filled with fashionable sketches. Billboards don't move or flash, and apparently only a handful of fonts held monopoly on storefront signage.

Another strength? The writing takes a note from Mad Men, and stays sociologically true to the period. Unlike some programs, Boardwalk Empire isn't PC'd up to please the masses. It works hard to create an authentic, period-specific feel, complete with twenties slang and shoe shines on the street. An era when it's fine to watch midget boxing for a laugh and for band members to paint their faces black; when beating your wife isn't really a crime the law cares about, and the everyday citizen's attitude to print press is frighteningly innocent:

"They couldn't write it if it wasn't true."

Boardwalk Empire, Season 1, Episode 1.

(Also watch out for the 'cameo' by Al Capone, a breathtaking little historical reference).

A lot is expected of the network's latest investment, and rightly so. The pilot was written by Terence Winter, who penned at least two dozen Soprano episodes. Also the creator and executive producer, Winter has a lot riding on the project.

Boardwalk Empire's strength lies in its inherent dichotomy. On one hand, you have colour, fun, laughter, friendship and kindness. At the beginning of the pilot, dodging Prohibition laws seems clever, slightly naughty, and bound to make everyone rich. By the end of the episode, as a consequence of character choices, the screen is awash with subsequent blood and violence.

Michael Pitt plays Jimmy, a former Princeton student and recently returned WW1 vet who works for Nucky Thompson.

"A few years killing Jerrys doesn't exactly prepare you for a lot of outs."

The Boardwalk Empire, Season 1, Episode 1.

I liked Pitt in Murder By Numbers, Dreamers, and Hedwig and The Angry Inch. He has a dark energy about him, without appearing overtly violent, which works perfectly here.

Granted, I'm not a Scorcese aficionado, but visually the ending seemed very Scorcese, tranquility and violence superimposed until the grotesque appears almost aesthetically beautiful.

Some critics have criticised the pace of the pilot. I think they've forgotten this is the first episode of a television series which could potentially run for years, not a movie. Setting the scene, character development, all these factors are important before launching into recurring violence.

Online comments give the impression mass murder was expected from about five minutes in, but Boardwalk Empire isn't a killing spree. This is a story we get to watch unfold slowly, a clever narrative attempting to realistically reflect a turning point in contemporary American history.

I guess in the eyes of audience members inclined toward 'destruction- backstory optional', Boardwalk Empire is disappointing. But I liked getting to know the town, following a politician (albeit a slightly crooked one) around for a while. I liked meeting the main characters' family members. I liked listening to dialogue designed to give you a vague understanding of what's going on in people's heads.

Watching Jimmy's killing spree made more sense, and was more affecting, because by then I had an idea of the character's myriad motivations and conflicted emotions.

Let's just hope modern audiences haven't lost their love of good storytelling and can appreciate Boardwalk Empire for the gem it promises to be... a visual exercise in well-crafted storytelling, encompassing both shocking violence and homely comforts, expressed through complex, well-developed characters.

Does CW stand for Can't Write?

Hellcats and Nikita both launched on the CW network in America this week. A cheerleader with an attitude, and a sexy spy gone rogue. Unfortunately, they proved to be prime examples of what happens when you don't really worry about that pesky little thing called narrative.

Sure, the shows are glossy, the people are pretty, but guess what? This isn't a photograph. Audiences watch a scripted series once for the sexy factor, twice for the story.

Note to the writers: your job isn't meant to resemble Monopoly. Collect enough tired cliches, and you DON'T get to pass Go. And you really shouldn't receive $100.

Hellcats is exactly like Bring It On. That is, minus the funny parts, irony, three dimensional characters, clever scripting (hell, any decent scripting) or narrative structure. Instead, predictable plot hurdles are inserted exactly one metre (or should I say one ad break) apart for the painfully cardboard cutout characters to drag themselves over.

Let's walk through the pilot.

Law student despises cheerleaders. Loses scholarship. Insert fight with random cheerleader. Learns there's a cheerleading scholarship. Discovers random cheerleader is actually head cheerleader. Auditions, but is no good at conformity. Throws in terrible pole dancing slash bad krumping moves. Coach loves the crazy individuality. (Cause that's what I think when I think cheerleading. A celebration of individuality). Surprise, gets cheer scholarship. Moves into dorm. Another surprise, forced to share room with head cheerleader.

It's too painful to go on. There's just so much more that you've probably already imagined.

!!!

G-O-T-E-A-M.

When I think spy drama, I think espionage, betrayal, pathos, the concept of identity, basically an exploration of more complex themes, within the parameters of an adrenalin-pumping action series. Then there's Nikita.

Nikita is one of those characters who always takes the time to condition and straighten her hair, even when on the run. Here's a sample of my internal dialogue during the pilot:

-It was obvious from the first scene the teenagers a plant. Are they honestly trying to pass that off as the big reveal at the end of the episode?? Oh God, they are.

-Please, as if it isn't obvious that's not her at the grave, but a dummy, so she can double back and surprise the guy in the car. Oh, no, wait, she's actually going to do that popping up in the back seat thing. This is so lame.

-So she kidnapped the Intel guy, and then the department wonders how she's now breaking into their Intel... seriously??

-Oh gee. At the end of the episode it's 'revealed' her handler had feelings for her. What a shocker.

-Wait a minute. Her great crime- was falling in love?? (Cue gag).

By the end of the hour I had a predictability headache. (Similar to a tension headache, but brought on by bad scripting).

Suggestion for the writers? Watch Buffy The Vampire Slayer, follow it up with a few seasons of Veronica Mars, and hopefully you'll figure out how to do your job.

Oh, and CW? Here's a cheer for you think about... Pick up your game, cause right now it's LAME.

Best of the Guests... Say Cheese!

Watching cultural icons wander through onscreen environs is the ultimate in cheap (tv) thrills. Whether you call it a cameo or a lazy bid for ratings, numbers do soar when a famous face drops by. Producers are currently scrambling to secure visitation rights for upcoming seasons; word has it Gossip Girl's offering Ivanka Trump, while Glee's boasting Britney Spears.

Good guest appearances are a dying artform. It's not about plonking a celebrity somewhere on the sound stage, it's about using their presence to exhibit kick ass writing skills, or at the very least, an acute understanding of your target audience.

Before we're bombarded with new (cameo) blood, here's a dozen I-went-to-get-a-glass-of-water-and-missed-it guest gems of the past to mull over:

1. Brad Pitt, Friends.

While every Thanksgiving episode of Friends was clever, I gave thanks for the one with Brad Pitt on the guest list. He played Will, Monica's obese high school friend turned hottie who scandalously reveals the existence of the We Hate Rachel Club.

2. Aaron Sorkin, West Wing.

This was more of a walk-on cameo, which is fitting because 'walking' was the uncredited star of this show. (Fictitious WW memo: If your mouth is moving, your legs should be too). It seems appropriate show creator Aaron Sorkin's cameo was as subtle as his writing.

3. Summer Glau, The Big Bang Theory.

Watching lovable nerds attempting to pick up Terminator/Firefly hottie Summer Glau? Priceless.

Raj: It's hot in here. It must be summer.

The Big Bang Theory, Season 2, Episode 17.

4. Elton John, Will & Grace.

Jack spends the episode ranting dramatically and hysterically about the existence of the Gay Mafia, which Will scoffs at, right up until Elton's appearance as the sparkly Godfather.

5. Joe Torre, Castle.

Okay, I don't really know anything about baseball, but this cameo made the list because Detective Beckett flips out so convincingly when confronted with her icon.

6. Christiane Amanpour, Gilmore Girls.

Repeatedly referenced as Rory's icon for seven years, having Amanpour drop by for the series finale was a lovely touch.

Rory: Oh my God- that’s Christiane Amanpour!

Lorelai: That’s what I told you.

Rory: I can’t meet Christiane Amanpour in my pyjamas!

Gilmore Girls, Season 7, Episode 22.

7. The Pussycat Dolls, Las Vegas.

Great fusion of a real world pop culture phenomena and a fictional location; nothing seems more appropriate than the Dolls strutting it up at the Montecito.

8. Paris Hilton, Supernatural.

The recognisable socialist plays a wax figure of herself, possessed by a demon and beheaded during a violent meltdown (I couldn't resist).

9. Jonathan Frakes, Roswell.

Frakes, the actor who portrayed Commander Riker on Star Trek The Next Generation, is jealous of the VIP treatment Patrick Stuart (Captain Picard) and William Shatner (Captain Kirk) receive at a UFO convention.

Jonathan: Milton said that you were in charge of celebrity relations?

Max: Well, yeah. Yes, I am.

Jonathan: Then maybe you can explain to me why Shatner and Stuart got suites, and I didn't?

Max: Well, I think the Tumbleweed only has two suites.

Jonathan: So, why wouldn't I get one of them?

Roswell, Season 1, Episode 13.

10. 'N Sync, The Simpsons.

For some reason, this particular guest appearance stuck in my mind. I think it might have been the animated dance moves and pumping soundtrack every time a member of 'N Sync spoke. Too epic.

11. Joss Whedon, Veronica Mars.

What's cooler than a pop culture icon like Joss Whedon, creator of Buffy The Vampire Slayer, publicly declaring his love for your show? Following up said declaration with an onscreen cameo.

12. Betty White in... anything. There can never enough Betty White in this world.