The Middies Are Back

It's almost time for the US of A to unleash some mid-season scripted newbies on us all.

Those scoffing "Mid-season replacements are like Stargate: Universe was to the SG franchise; short-lived shows qualifying as bad fillers", should bite their tongues. A lot of programs born to be between-season fillers go on to become grown-up shows!

Buffy The Vampire Slayer was a middie, as was Grey's Anatomy. Dawson's Creek, The Black Donnellys, Third Rock From The Sun, Moonlighting and even Walker, Texas Ranger, all started their lives in the rating's grey zone.

IMAGINE THAT.

This year, I really want to watch The Cape.

A genre show aimed at a niche audience, the best it can hope for is to become the new Chuck. That is, a popular show among weird audience types; consistently walking so close to the cancellation line that fans find themselves equally relieved and exasperated each time a new allotment of episode orders are announced.

You just keep on pushing my love over the borderline.

Madonna, Borderline lyrics.

So what's The Cape about? In a very tight summary, a wronged cop is framed for a crime he did not commit. (How often have you read that line?). He then becomes a superhero. (That line, not so much).

Personally, I always find superheroes a little naff to watch in 'real life' ie film and television. Visually, what seems terribly awesome in comic form somehow never really translates to anything other than, well, terrible and kind of embarassing onscreen. (Bar the X-Men movies, but only because the costume department got smart and dressed most of the cast in sleek dark ensembles).

I'm sure many people would argue this isn't true, but my blog, my opinion. On the bright side, at least a cape is kind of subtle. The title makes no mention of fluoro undies on the outside, or Mardi Gras-friendly amounts of lycra.

The best part about The Cape is the return of Summer Glau. There's an actress who always holds my attention. Some people find her a bit blank, but that's more a reflection of casting patterns than performance. When she's played voluble characters- or moments when her crazy characters imitate the sociable- she's been equally as fascinating/riveting as when she plays a Terminator (The Sarah Connor Chronicles) or a damaged genius (Firefly). I just hope this proves a strong vehicle, because I'll cringe if Summer is reduced to Sassy Hot Chick On The Side.

The Brits offer the ex-colonials across the water a bout of help via Skins and Being Human, two popular British programs that have undergone Americanisation. Here's hoping the (conceptual) transplants take.

I quite like Being Human, which sees a vampire, a ghost and a werewolf forced to share a flat. If the show's writers want to master the melding of nitty gritty inter-personal relationship issues with supernatural themes, they should take a leaf from Supernatural. (Any opportunity to plug the Winchesters!).

The American version of Skins, shot in Canada, comes under the MTV umbrella. For some reason this gives me flashbacks to the scene from Reality Bites where Winona's raw, touching Gen X footage is mutilated by the 'hip' youth channel. De ja vu? Let's hope not.

There's another British remake hitting screens, called Shameless. Unfortunately, it seems bound to score a lot of 'Shameful' puns in review headlines. The general consensus on the net so far is leaning toward epic disappointment, and the program hasn't even screened yet. Part of the outcry, I think, is due to the fact viewers, and reviewers, generally have higher expectations from the HBO network.

On the boring front, prepare for more cop shows, because apparently there's not enough procedurals out there. Worse, an offshoot's in the mix. Yes, a new Criminal Minds. Networks just can't resist the lure of procedural franchising... sigh.

On the law front, Fairly Legal gives the impression it will be fairly entertaining. The story follows a kind of Ally McBeal lawyer girl who instead becomes a mediator? It should be slightly more watchable than painful. (That's my anti-law show bias coming through). In reality, FL will probably prove quite popular.

Portlandia looks set to be either weirdly uber-cool or weirdly uber-lame. I don't think there's any other reaction for this style of comedy, aside from the classic hit or miss scenario. Filmed on location with Saturday Night Live staffers involved, I think there might be just a hint of Flight of The Conchord's humour flavouring that there mix... maybe worth at least one viewing?

There is, of course, the obligatory Trying To Be The New Friends effort. This year it's Happy Endings, which follows a group of friends (Six, to be exact. Would you look at that?) who have to survive a disastrous non-wedding between two of their tight-knit clique. As one character describes it:

This is a classic story of boy meets girl, boy losers girl to guy on rollerblades, boy becomes greatest youtube sensation since kitten stuck in tuba.

Happy Endings, Season 1, Episode 1.

Some of the lines are quite witty; lighthearted entertainment perfect for a quiet weeknight. There's your obligatory, easy-laughs Bridget Jones kind of character in the mix, who is always SO MUCH FUNNIER in film and television than in real life. (In reality, the fact that successful, healthy women are still utterly obsessed with catching a man and getting that long-cherised wedding ring qualifies as a tragedy more than anything else).

My standout pick of the middies is Mr Sunshine, with original Friends alumni Matthew Perry and the fantastic, ever-droll Allison Janney. Perry's character Ben Donovan is turning forty and manages an event venue called The Sunshine Centre. Let's just say his life is a bit of a mess. The show also stars James Lesure, from Las Vegas, and is penned by writers from The Family Guy, which I think implies the humour won't sink to lame levels. The trailer is laugh out loud funny, so I'll be watching.

Of course, the best thing about the middies is, no matter how much you correlate the data (writer's resumes, casting choices, quality of promos) you often miss a diamond in the rough, a quiet little sleeper that goes on to explode across the cultural zeitgeist.

Fingers crossed, then, for a fresh, wild and totally unexpected (scripted) success this middie season, because who doesn't like surprises? x

The Xmas Deluge

The twelve days of Christmas equal saccharine television programming. So are you in, or are you out?

Telemovies made especially for Christmas have a weird effect on me. Mock, or not to mock? That's really the question. One part of my personality is gagging at the sterotypes and the sickly, simple narratives using Christmas 'miracles' to overcome dodgy scripting. Another part of me, maybe the inner child, is completely engaged, wholeheartedly supporting the idea Santa can fix anything and mean people do turn nice around yuletide.

Take the other nite, for example. The whole fam somehow ended up watching a tv movie about a little girl who finds an injured reindeer. Deciding it's Prancer, she hides her new friend in the back shed (as you do).

For a while we mocked some of the storyline discrepancies. "So that lady gave her fifteen dollars when it was early evening, then she apparently walked miles into town by herself in the snow and bought oats for the reindeer's dinner before walking back, when?? It's still twilight!"

Also, child services needed to look into this kid's care situation. She spent a LOT of time roaming around the forest/town by herself, talking to strangers. Sure, they turned out to be gruffly kindhearted, but still, if this wasn't a Christmas movie chances are she'd be the "uh oh" victim in a police procedural.

And yet... despite many flaws and numerous tacky moments, somehow, somehow, I still cried when the grieving dad bared his soul and the stupid reindeer did a lame CGI Santa sleigh run against the full moon backdrop.

WHAT IS THAT ABOUT?

Scripted television Christmas episodes are like the tinsel on the television tree. Like a Christmas movie, Yuletide-themed material alternates between touching and aggravating, full of mistletoe and good intentions.

Interestingly, sometimes quality shows don't write the best Christmas material, whereas every now and again a mediocre program pulls an xmas gem out of the santa sack.

Here's a dozen Christmas television viewing experiences indelibly printed on my brain, burnt into a cell next to the one marked 'Pointless Carol Storage, ie the third verse of Good King Wenceslas'.

On the First Day of Christmas, I Watch...

...Anything based on Dickens' A Christmas Carol.

Finding Scrooge on tv around Christmas is like shooting fish in a barrel. Family Ties produced a version and even the Jetson's got animated over Dickens (Get it?). There's also an endless ream of telemovies based around the idea of visiting your own past, present and potential future. An alluring Christmas concept, no matter the presentation. (Here's looking at you, Tori Spelling. Yes, she played a modern day girly Scrooge!)

On The Second Day of Christmas, I Watch...

...Friends, The One With The Holiday Armadillo.

Who can ever forget the sight of Joey dressed up as Superman, Chandler as Santa and Ross as the holiday Armadillo, all to explain Hankukah to young Ben? And of course, there's always Phoebe.

Ross: I think I want to take this year to teach him all about Hanukkah.

Phoebe: And maybe I could teach Ben about the Christmas skull and how people die.

Rachel: You may need to use this year to teach Ben about Phoebe.

On The Third Day of Christmas, I Watch...

...Buffy, Amends.

This is a great episode. The vampire Angel, recently resurrected and soul restored (long story) is being driven insane by an evil being haunting him with visions of his soulless past. He decides to commit suicide by sunlight. Buffy tries to dissuade him, but it's too late, sunrise is due... except it never happens. Miraculously for California, a sudden snowstorm fills the sky, obscuring the rays of the sun. Awww. Highly humanising.

Angel: "Look I'm weak. I've never been anything else. It's not the demon in me that needs killing Buffy. It's the man."

On The Fourth Day of Christmas, I Watch...

...The Vicar of Dibley, The Christmas Lunch Incident.

The poor vicar is invited to numerous lunches. To avoid insulting anyone, she wolfs down more food than is humanly possible at every Christmas feast. This is a gem of an episode. I like it when she drives across the road to the next meal, and eventually gets carried home on a forklift machine thing? (I think it's technically called something else- either way, HILARIOUS).

On The Fifth Day of Christmas, I Watch...

...Trashy Christmas Episodes.

Three way tie between Roseanne, My Name is Earl and Married With Children. Truly vulgar interpretation of Xmas that are full of laughs and also full of heart, too.

Darnell: Thanks Earl. It's cold outside in that manger. I don't know how Jesus did it.

On The Sixth Day of Christmas, I Watch...

...A Very Brady Christmas.

Combine a reunion movie with a Christmas telemovie, throw in an aged Brady Bunch cast on top of that dynamite combo, and what do you get? Television sooo bad it can only be good. Nostalgia combined with Christmas spirit makes me feel ill, similar to the sick feeling you get after too much Christmas pavlova. Terminally saccharine.

On The Seventh Day of Christmas, I Watch...

...3rd Rock From The Sun, Jolly Old Saint Dick.

American culture can never again look as kooky as it did through the weird lens that was the Solomon 'family'. The concept of Christmas is comedy gold in this framework. Prepare to laugh hysterically as everyone's favourite aliens stagger their way through earth's yuletide rituals.

On The Eighth Day of Christmas, I Watch...

...Supernatural, A Very Supernatural Christmas.

Appeals to the inner Christmas cynic. Strikes right at the creepy factor overly decorated homes inspire. You know, when there's just so many plastic reindeers jerking around on someone's roof it seems to hit you somewhere in the solar plexus. In this episode victims disappear up the chimney (yes, you read that right). Pagan gods who pervert the spirit of Christmas deserve the wrath of the Winchester brothers, that's all I'm saying.

Dean: So what the hell do you think we're dealing with?

Sam: Actually I have an idea.

Dean: Yeah.

Sam: It's gonna sound crazy.

Dean: What could you possibly say that's going to sound crazy to me?

Sam: Um, Evil Santa?

Dean: Yeah, that's crazy.

On The Ninth Day of Christmas, I Watch...

...The Last Leaf.

I think this is meant to be a religious Easter film, but I've always caught it at Christmas, so am including it in the list. A little girl gets sick after befriending an elderly artist. In her fever she decides she'll die when the last leaf falls off the vine on the wall opposite her bedroom window. She gets sicker with each leaf lost, but the last leaf never falls (suspicious during snowstorm weather!). The little girl gets better, only to discover her old friend went out and painted a leaf onto the wall in a snow blizzard, only to fall off the ladder and die. CUE SOBBING.

On The Tenth Day of Christmas, I Watch...

...Twilight Zone, Night of the Meek.

I saw this weird, TZ take on a Christmas special when I was really young. A show always wonderfully written, the Santa sack episode is no exception. A nice way to break up standard tv mistletoe fare.

On The Eleventh Day of Christmas, I Watch...

...King of Kings.

Ok, it's not a telemovie. It's highly religious. Whatever qualms you might have about this film, I can't get through the holiday season without it. As a child, it was indelibly burned into my psyche. When I got older, cynical uni friends would offer lofty criticism like, "It's technically impossible for Jesus to have blue eyes, you know". I didn't care then, and I dont care now. I'm fine with being unhip about this movie. In the irrational, emotive spirit of Christmas, I love this movie for its grandeur, the kindness of its hero and the tragedy of his crucifixion (oh, did I ruin the ending for anyone? Don't worry, there's more).

On The Twelfth Day of Christmas, I Watch...

...The O.C. The Best Chrismukkah Ever.

Combine Christmas and Hanukkah said Seth Cohen. Pure genius, according to anyone at the time suckered in by the latest zeitgeist. I still think it's a fun idea, but I could be seeing the concept through rose-tinted Adam Brodie glasses. (He played Seth as such a cutie).

Seth: You can't ruin Chrismukkah. It's got twice the resistance of any normal holiday.

Finally... Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night! :)

The Walking Dead

I have some emotional and psychological problems with zombies, ie they FREAK ME OUT.

Yes, I've heard every argument pertaining to the metaphorical nature of the undead (here's looking at you, Romero). Frankly, the idea that mindless consumerism can be represented by an actor in grey body paint with bits of their face falling off, is just lame. Don't zombie fans know that shopping makes people talkative and happy, and consequently, less likely to turn cannibal?

Ask any therapist.

When it comes to freaky-deaky favourites, the truth is, I like my monsters pretty. It's an aesthetic addiction. Cunning is also a preferred character trait. I'll take multi-dimensional over mindless any day. Ergo, vampires win out over zombies, fangs down.

Not to mention the distinctive difference in menu preferences. Vampires drink blood, while zombies chow down on people. There's no denying a vampire feeding frenzy is a lot easier to watch. It's the same reason I can't stand orange juice with pulp in it. I just don't like gooshy bits!

Frankly, zombies are all-round gooshy. They look gooshy, they eat gooshy, and their heads blow up gooshy when gamers shoot them. Call me weird, but I don't like/appreciate/enjoy watching animated corpses meander clunkily across the screen.

But in the name of dedicated research, I watched a few episodes of The Walking Dead. (What a hero. Medal for one, thanks).

It's important to keep in mind everything scary scares me, and not in an entertained way. I get stressed during suspenseful infomercials. (Will the stain come out? WILL IT?!)

On a side note- I'm often asked how is it that I can praise Buffy and Supernatural so much, if spooky stuff spooks me?

Maybe it's because the characters are complex, the heroes tortured, the anti-heroes fascinating? Whatever the reasoning, my subconscious deems those shows comparatively different (at the core) from straight horror. I literally flinch at the horror genre, and loathe the living dead. Personally, I think it's the mindlessness. And the gore. AND THE FEAR.

So, speaking of this show...

It seems slightly irrelevant to comment on the scripting, since word on the web has it they've just sacked the writing team. With regards to the pilot, I did like the idea of our hero waking up after the event. Very nice way to work it. Unfortunately, that could be the end of my compliments on this production.

To be fair, from a horror perspective, I guess I can't judge. I don't really have a frame of reference, aside from a few Twilight Zone episodes that crossed the border from psychological thriller to spookfest, which, in the eyes of horror fans, qualifies me as 'LAME'. I am friends with a surprising number of zombie afficionados (a fact which occasionally worries me) and they've backed up the impression I got- that this outing is subpar.

See, people who love zombies have seen it all, read it all, gamed it all. That's your inbuilt fan base, right there. To then offer them a show about two rungs above a student effort is a tad disappointing. Personally, I think zombie fans of the world deserve better.

(There's a sentence you don't get to type every day).

The characterisation is bland, almost caricatured. I can't remember anyone's name. I'd like to think the woodenness is because the character's are suffering shock or post traumatic stress disorder, but am leaning toward dodgy scripting.

Overall, this crew is way too mellow. Am I the only one who thinks a Z-apocalypse would be slightly more harrowing? For one thing, when I think post-apocalypse, I don't really think clean hair and ironed clothes.

But maybe I'm just not up on zombie-apocalyptic etiquette. (Note to self: order handbook).

Seriously, though- in this business called survival, a lot of time seems to be spent hanging around waiting, and I feel noone's cracking up appropriately. The Amazing Race competitors are more stressed/wired/dramatic than this mob. I mean, everyone you've ever known/loved/met/hated is now dead, and worse, a lot of them are EATING EACH OTHER.

Don't even get me started on the impromptu caravan park. Note to scriptwriters: this isn't a camping trip! When a zombie apocalypse is unfolding and you've barely managed to escape the city alive, wandering casually around the woods by yourself is a NO-GO. Remember the Blair Witch Project? Not so much a movie, as a what-not-to-do training video. (The Walking Dead is a bit of a haven for BWP's missing characters, from what I can tell).

Oh, and if that grunt-y sex scene in the woods was an attempt to emulate a touch (get it?) of True Blood's skanky allure, all I can say is, EPIC FAIL.

A zombie lovin' friend who pays close attention to the finer details pointed out quite a few technical discrepancies throughout the series. That seems to happen a lot in programs with supernatural (or kind of supernatural) elements. Any tv show with creatures, and the 'rules' waver from episode to episode. Or, to be more accurate, said 'rules' are rewritten/adjusted to handle expanding plot points/narrative, leaving viewers choking on the discrepancies.

(There are courses for this, people. Google Robert McKee).

Strangely, the mediocrity of this effort makes me realise the zombie concept does have scripted television potential, in the right hands. Unfortunately, so far, The Walking Dead is a D-grade misfire.

(And yes, I know the photo above is from Love, Actually, but I can't get past the fact the actor who played the weird guy writing TOTALLY INAPPROPRIATE poster comments to his best friend's wife in that movie, is the heroic sheriff in this show. When he rode the horse through a zombie-filled city, all I could think was, where's Chuck Norris? We all know Walker Texas Ranger would thrive under the pressure of a zombie apocalypse).

The good news is, I finished my uncomfortable TWD viewing session with a dose of Sanctuary, and felt a whole lot better about my day.